Dear John: Forgiveness, Change, Love, and a New Way

Good morning!  Happy Friday.  I hope you have all had a good week, and have fun plans for the weekend.  Thank you for reading my blog, today I am responding to John.  I hope that these words find and help all that need them.

John writes “Recently I broke up with my girlfriend.  I feel really bad, and I would like to get her back, but I don’t know where to start.  Right now everything just seems like a mess.  Any time I try to talk to her everything sounds desperate and weird, and I am making things worse not better.  What do I do?”

Dear John, thank you for your words, this is a common topic.  The first thing I would say is, to stop all communication for now.  Your instincts are usually right, and if you feel like you are making things worse, you probably are.  You intentions may be good, but you are in a situation where everything is broken right now, and if you try to run something that is broken, it just breaks worse.  I know when something happens to us we want to fix it right now, but sometimes you just can’t do anything about it in the moment.  The good news is, you can do something about yourself to make your life better.

I would start by taking the time to meditate on your relationship.  Reflect on your time together.  Don’t try to call up memories, or dwell on your mistakes.  Just relax your mind using your meditation tools.  Let your mind walk through the memories, and make note of anything that pops out to you.  Were there times you took her for granted?  Were there habits or hobbies that got in the way of time together?  As these events unfold in your head, try to look at things from her perspective.  Try to imagine what she must have thought and felt being your girlfriend.

Don’t be hard on yourself.  Beating yourself up only makes things worse.  If there are things you did or did not do that hurt the relationship, make a note of these.  In your private time, you can write a letter about what you wish you had done differently and asking forgiveness.  Or, if you do not want to write about it, you can just go sit somewhere alone outside and talk about it.  The important thing is to recognize when and where you could have done something differently, acknowledge that moment, and talk about it to get it out of your head.  You have to process the emotions that are already in you to make room for healing and improvement.  (if you are constantly thinking about what you did wrong, how can you think about how to make yourself better?)   Be loving with yourself.

When we realize that what we are and what we have done has caused injury to someone we love and made them distance themselves from us, this causes profound sadness and pin.  But every emotion serves a purpose, and so these are signals to our selves that we are out of alignment with what we want, and what we are.  But we can change, and that is the best blessing of them all.  When you have an experience like this, it is a great opportunity for personal growth and healing.  You can take the work you do here and apply it to your whole life leading up to this moment.  Chances are there are other events in your life that need attention and healing.

How do we change?  When we want to be different, we have to look outside of our circle of life.  What we have is not serving what we want.  One effective way to make change is to look for models.  Is there someone you know of or have met that has what you want?  If so, think about what you know of them.  What do they do?  How do they act?  Try to imagine yourself as that person, and then ask yourself what do I have to do to become more like them?  The answers will come if you seek them.  You don’t have to push too hard, just be consistent and persistent.  This process takes time most of all, and so it takes a lot of patience, trust, and faith. It is normal to want everything fixed right now, but that is not going to happen, so accept it and settle in for a long but rewarding trip.  The work you do now is going to change your life for the better – forever.

When I say to use a model that gives us tools to work on from the outside, and these are invaluable.  At the same time, this is going to be an inside job.  You have to change yourself from the inside out.  If you put a fresh coat of paint on a broken down house, it might look good for a while, but it is still broken down.  You must address what is needing repair on the inside, and do that work, in order to truly restore that house.  I would strongly recommend spiritual work.  When we connect with God and the angels we get divine information and wisdom about ourselves that is true and so can be relied upon to establish a new solid base on which to build a new life.  Be brave, be honest, and don’t be afraid.

Courage to face yourself openly and honestly is the key to making change in your life.  We may not like what we see when we look at ourselves openly and honestly.  And that is okay, it is a normal healthy response.  It means you want to change.  It is a good thing.  Be prepared when you have these realizations for moments of intense sadness.  Do not be deterred by these or put off your work by them.  They WILL pass!  It is like an emotional sprain.  If you sit with it, acknowledge it, and make a commitment to change, the pain will subside.  I promise.  You can ask your angels to take your sadness and change it to love for you, and they will always come to your aid to do this.  Have faith in the process, be diligent, and don’t give up.

Change is a tough process, and it is going to tire you out.  Make sure you are taking care of your body at this time.  Let go of any habits that are not serving you positively.  Start some sort of exercise regimen.  Walking is good for you, and it is easy to do.  Make sure you are drinking plenty of water, taking plenty of vitamins and minerals, eating a balanced diet and getting plenty of rest.  Sometimes we may only have one revelation or change in a day, and that may not seem like a lot in conventional wisdom.  But it is a lot to your psyche.  Change puts stress on a system.  When you take off in an airplane if you tried to go right to 20,000 feet you would tear the wings off and crash.  You are the same way.  Be steadfast, keep moving forward, keep moving up, and don’t try to  go to high to fast.  You will only hurt yourself.

I know you are in a hurry to fix everything at once.  Take heart that once you make a commitment to change yourself, once you take that first step and say “I am not going to repeat the same patterns that got me here anymore” your journey has begun.  Take heart that as you stick to your process, change brings more change.  What we feed we breed.  As you get healthier you will have a new perspective of yourself.  You will have a healthier outlook, happier thoughts, and you will feel better.  You will find too that as you change, your perspective of everything will change too.  Movies, books, tv, people – everything will resonate in a new way.  This is a sign that you are getting a new perspective on life, and you are finding a new way.

Now as far as your relationship goes, I would say, the best thing to do is ask God to guide you.  If you truly want to be with this person, ask God to heal you and heal your love. Do not be afraid to ask some tough questions like “Is this person good for me?”  and even tougher “I am good for this person?”  Remember that everything happens for a reason.  We are all here to learn and grow, and we do that through our relationships.  The more you focus internally on yourself, the more loving and forgiving you are, the more optimistic you are, the better the changes you will have.  Healing will come swiftly if you are steadfast, confident, and cheerful.

People will notice you are changing too.  Don’t be surprised if they ask questions or make comments.  This too is a good sign, it means you are making progress.  Not only are you healing yourself, you are helping the people around you as a role model.  And no matter what happens in your relationship, at some point in the future you will be able to help someone else through the same problem, and that is a truly rewarding experience.  I wish you the best of luck on your journey.  Remember to pray, meditate, be loving, diligent, steadfast and most of all have faith in the process and confidence in your ability to change.  You can do it!

Thank you for reading along.  If you have questions, comments, or a specific concern, you can email me at seanwescott at live dot com.  Have a wonderful day!

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